They always say "Love begins with oneself"or "That you have to love yourself in order to love others". So what does that really mean??
For many of us, we believe that if we love others enough then we will love our selves or even more then we wont have to and our partners love will be enough. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. I say unfortunately because I see people try as hard as they can to make this formula work. "I will love my spouse so much, I will do what ever it takes for them to love me and then I will feel it and we will be happy!". Unfortunately (as I said before ..) this doesn't work.
The only way we can feel love is if we have the capacity to feel it. That means there has to be a place inside of us where we can put the love from another person when they send it our way. More often than not this space that does exist inside of us is already full. Its full of doubt, fear, shame, worry and self loathing. In order to make room for love we have to clean out these unwanted renters. We have to remove shame and replace it with worthiness. We have to remove doubt and worry and replace it with confidence and safety. We have to remove self loathing and replace it with compassion and pride. Only then can love win .. and frankly between you and me I am always on love's side!
If you want to learn more about this or explore this more in your life... Please don't hesitate to call we can help you find space for love!
Written by Sara Mindel LICSW